Party for One: How Am I Doing?


            I’ll be the first one to admit I’m not the best at following through on my goals. So when I said I was going to take back my identity post-breakup, I didn’t expect too much from myself. After all, I’m busy with grad school, have a habit of falling back into bad habits real quick, and I like to baby myself whenever I’m feeling low. So I really had no idea what to expect in the long term weeks or months after The Captain and I ended things; I mean, my last breakup was in 2012 – a whole different time, a different me, a different world.

            But I’m happy to report things are going really well. Am I doing 100% of the things I wanted to? No, but that’s okay because at least I’m taking steps in a positive direction. So here’s what I’ve effectively reclaimed and taken back.

            I’m back to wearing makeup again, especially lipstick. I kind of went a little mad and bought a whole bunch right after I made that promise but now I have a variety of shades to choose from. It’s a great part of my getting-ready routine to pick the right hue and put it on, whether that’s red, pink, neutral, or plum. I’m trying some new brands and falling in love with new things, but overall happy with how things are going and being a little vain again.

            While I haven’t started wearing dresses again yet, I did buy a new dress from Unique Vintage that I’m thrilled to trot out once the weather warms up. It’s a gorgeous pinup number that hits me in all the right spots and was well worth the treat-myself money. I also got some cute pumps to go along with it. And, more recently, I once again added a little leopard print to my wardrobe in the form of a gorgeous top.

            Hair-wise, I got it dyed a month ago, and I’m in love with the purple color and how it makes me feel like a witch-warrior-goddess. I’ve also straightened my hair more this year than in the past couple of years, have styled my bangs, and love doing my hair once again. No longer do I feel like a frumpy, boring background character when I leave the apartment; I’m the leading lady of my own life once again.

            I’m not reading as much as I’d like to, although I’ve been addicted to a bunch of fanfictions, but I’m back in the habit of finding new music just like in my early What I’m Listening To days. I’ve bought some new albums, made some new playlists, and am usually jamming out to something. 

            I hold nighttime dance parties in my apartment; they’re super fun. I also dance in my car when I feel like it. I danced to “Material Girl” after a lecture. I’m done caring what people think and just want to enjoy music running through my body in whatever way it wants to.

            Sometimes I drive a little farther than I need to so I can sing a little longer in my car. I sing even with the windows rolled down. In the shower. When I’m doing dishes. I’ve got a voice and I’m going to belt it at max volume until I can’t anymore. I’m preparing for my eventual karaoke debut.

            So far, my walks are mostly to and from class, but I’ve started wearing my Fitbit again and I’m getting more steps than usual. Plus with my nighttime dance parties and dumbbell exercises I’m feeling pretty good.

            I’m working on trying new things. So far I’ve tried a new diner (amazing), a new sushi place (not bad), and a new type of curry (satisfying). My quest will continue and take me to new places and adventures as I begin dating.

            Cooking is going just as well; I just made St. Patrick’s Day dinner for my family and it went pretty well. I’m excited to begin cooking my way through some of the cookbooks I acquired last fall for one of my academic projects.

            In a few more months, I’ll do another check-in but I think this is already a positive sign that I’m taking back the girl I used to be with a vengeance, becoming healthier mentally/physically/spiritually, and moving on with my life in a positive way. I’d be more worried if I’d made all these promises and then not followed through in any way on them. A lot of these developments were made possible by the support I have from my amazing friends and loving family, who are always there when I need a movie date, someone to talk/vent to, or just the comforting knowledge that I’m loved.

            Until then, I’ll keep dancing and smiling.