Lost Girl: Taking Back My Identity Post-Breakup


            My best friend of twelve years has said more than once I tend to lose myself in relationships. He pointed this out with my high school boyfriend and, to his credit, he pointed out the warning signs in the early months of dating The Captain (and there’re comments to prove it on my old blog “Desperately Seeking”). That said I am happily oblivious in love and content to push aside all things in my pursuit of a happy ending.

            In hindsight, The Captain and I both agree that we probably weren’t suitably matched in many things. He prefers the outdoors. I like to stay inside. He’s more of a short term thinker. I’m a long term kind of gal. Despite this, we had lots of little things in common, enough to make us compatible friends and enough to keep us together for five and half years.

            But along those many years I dropped bits and pieces of my identity: things I loved, things I liked, hobbies, habits, and activities. Now that the relationship is over, I can reflect and realize just how much I lost and gave up for the relationship. I also now know what I want to bring back into my life with a vengeance. And, for now, I can promise myself that at some point in the future I will do my best not to lose touch again. (Or at least to trust those who hold me accountable and call me on my shit—thank you Scott).

            So here is a comprehensive list of the pieces I’m reclaiming and calling my own:

·       Wearing makeup, specifically lipstick and especially red.

·       Wearing dresses, especially anything with a vintage flair.

      –        Along this line, wearing some patterns again i.e. leopard print and polka dots.

·       Actually styling my hair and not constantly wearing it up.

·       Likewise, doing whatever I want with my hair cut and color-wise.

·       Reading and listening to music more, and not constantly falling back on the TV.

·       Celebrating Halloween like crazy in all the ways.

·       Dancing whether people are watching or not.

·       Singing whether people are listening or not.

·       Going for walks, whether they are thoughtful, angsty, or fun.

·       Finding peace in a sense of the spiritual; maybe I’ll start praying again.

·       Trying new things, especially restaurants and their foods.

·       Cooking and baking for fun as well as for necessity.

·       Decorating however I want with whatever patterns and colors I want.

·       Getting back in those healthy habits I had prior to the relationship that kind of fell to the side once I was consumed by love or compromised my habits with another’s.

I love these things and want them back in my life ASAP. These things are important parts of who I am; they make me happy and reflect my personality. Eventually maybe someone will appreciate all of these parts and they won’t fade away in a relationship, but I’m not in any hurry to find out. For now I’m just going to appreciate them all over again by myself.

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