This isn’t what I thought life would be like post-grad, but—then again—I don’t think I ever had a real plan for the months between graduation and possibly starting graduate school. I couldn’t have imagined the frantic hurry to deal with the holiday season and applications that would ensue once I graduated, and I certainly didn’t plan for this weird lull that’s taken over my life.

I went from being a fulltime student and social media coordinator to an unemployed adult, and I don’t think I’m dealing with it well. I mean, it’s hard to say objectively whether I’m doing okay or not but, honestly, I’m not sure I am. The Captain is in a similar boat and we’re just a couple of unemployed, semi-depressed adults who aren’t sure where they’re going to be in a few months. I might get accepted to Oregon State or Boise State and have to move to an unfamiliar place. I might get accepted to UNR and not have to move. The Captain might get in the Navy and be shipped off to unknown places, stationed far away. The Captain might not get accepted and have to find work somewhere else, in a time when his entire field is in danger. We honestly don’t know what’s going on and it’s frustrating.

We’re in a rut in more ways than one, and it’s easy to be pessimistic and think that things won’t turn out well. It’s harder to try to think of positives and work toward them. I can be as hopeful as I want for the future and imagine a white picket fence and paychecks and excess income, but it’s hard when all I can do is make cutbacks right now. I have to work with the world at my fingertips though which means job applications, working on my writing and this blog, and trying to get out of this horrible funk. I mean, if I didn’t have grad school to look forward to would this just be my life…forever?

So I will fill out those applications and try my best to succeed. I will tackle these scary adult problems head on in the responsible ways I should. I will do my best to be frugal with my spending and save as much as I can. I will be patient, kind, and hopeful in the world around me despite what pessimistic reality says. I will support and help The Captain as best I can. I will not let this funk fuck me up.

Things will be okay. I will be okay.