Two years ago today, The Captain and I made our relationship official. By saying that I mean that we changed our Facebook statuses from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship.’ Prior to that we’d had our meeting/first date and our second date, and I remember talking to him on the phone and asking what we were or what we both wanted. It turns out that we’re both long term oriented and we both were in.
So today is our two year anniversary, but it’s not the first time I’ve had this kind of day to celebrate. I started dating when I was fifteen and in the six years following four of them have been spend in long term, committed relationships. For the sake of anonymity and just because, we’ll call my ex The Samurai (due to his love of anime and Japan). There are a lot of differences between The Captain and The Samurai, and those differences reflect how I have changed as a person but also how having my heart bruised affected my choices in men and also what I’ve learned from that.
I spent a lot of time on my old blog reflecting over The Samurai and our relationship and everything that might have gone wrong, but I don’t think that anything actually went wrong. While I may not have noticed our drifting apart, it’s good that he took initiative and broke up with me because any longer and I would’ve been way more hurt. Yes, the timing sucked period because it was two weeks before my senior prom and two months after our two year anniversary where he gave me an engraved jewelry box, but at least he did it and at least it was a very kind break up. I guess I’ll never know exactly what happened to make him “fall out of love” with me, but, in the long run, it was probably for the best.
I’ve learned that, yes, in relationships you talk about the future, but it’s better to do it in a realistic way with the good and bad possibilities listed out. The Samurai and I lived in a fantasy world of puppy love, where we achieved our ultimate goals, had at least seven children together, and lived happily ever after. I’m embarrassed to say that a lot of our relationship was spent role-playing in the future with our pretend (and named) children and working through those imaginary conflicts. It seems to me now that we spent so much time imagining in the future that we didn’t actually live or really get to know each other in the present, and I regret that.
The Captain and I talk about the future, but instead of fantasizing or imagining it we talk realistically. We talk about what we’re going to do if we don’t achieve our dreams anytime soon. We talk about what we’d do in certain situations and how we feel about our different perspectives regarding anything from politics, to parenting, to camping. We know what we both want individually and together for the future, and that’s a big difference from what I had with The Samurai. Instead of being practically one person, we’re two very different people looking to share one life. We ask each other questions and get answers we sometimes don’t expect.
With The Samurai I lived in a wonderland, but with The Captain I live in the real world and it’s a pretty awesome place. It’s the small things that make our relationship special to me. It’s the way we’re totally comfortable around each other and around each other’s family—which, again, is something I don’t think The Samurai and I ever got to. The Captain gets me, and he’s not afraid to be honest about my faults.
On my other blog, about two months before I met The Captain, I wrote a list of qualities that my ‘perfect’ man would have. Two months later I found a man who just happens to have most of those things and who also has other great qualities about him that I would never change. These past two years have been amazing, because I’ve learned that mature relationships sometimes take work and that you won’t always agree and that you can be your own person with them. There are times when I want to throttle The Captain because he can be so frustrating, but even in those moments I know that I wouldn’t give up these experiences for anything. All of these memories are precious.
So here’s to two years with The Captain today, and to (hopefully) many more to come.